Lessons in Lifeguarding

Surprisingly, one of the first things they teach lifeguards is this: Don’t go in the Water.

At least not right away.

See, when someone is drowning they’re also panicking.  It’s understandable.  But it makes them dangerous.  They will desperately grasp at anything that comes close and if that’s you, they could injure you or even take you down with them.  Yes, it’s a bit of a scorpion and toad thing, but we’re not dealing with rational- we’re dealing with a drowning person.

So lifeguards are taught that your first move has to be to throw them something.  That’s why they all have those sweet buoys like on Baywatch (not those- the real ones, orange with the rope attached.  Behave yourself).  Once the “drownee” (drowner?  I’m making up words- the victim) has something to hold onto, the panic will subside and you can complete the rescue.

When someone is emotionally drowning, the same lesson applies.  If you dive into the water after them, you’re likely to get consumed in their panic and sucked down with them.  Not helpful to them- dangerous to you.  In order to help someone you have to be in a strong position and a safe place.  Otherwise you’re not help, you’re just company.

That’s not to say it’s easy to watch.  When someone who’s drowning is so panicked that they can’t seem to grasp the life-preserver right in front of them it’s painful to witness.  We wait and watch with baited breath, hoping they’ll just do the one thing to save themselves.  Real drowning victims usually do- emotional drowning victims are more likely to go under. 

Which is why when someone is emotionally drowning we’re more inclined to jump in after them. 

But we shouldn’t.

Hard as it is, you have to wait until they go under.  Only then can you jump in and try to save them before it’s too late.  It may seem cruel, but you can’t put yourself at risk trying to save another.  Lifeguards loose teammates that way.  And far too often we lose ourselves in someone else’s misery and sadness.  We become consumed for no other reason than we jumped in too soon to really be helpful.  And we usually get injured- or worse.

As someone with a hero complex, this has always been hard for me.  I want to dive in.  I want you to not feel alone.  I want to save you. 

But sometimes, we have to wait to be helpful.  Sometimes when we throw someone a rope, all we can do is wait and hope they take it.  And we won’t save everyone.  That’s the hardest part of all- that not everyone will help themselves and we have to be prepared for the worst.

If you’re an emotional lifeguard for your friends and family like me- take a lesson from the real pros and stay out of the water- at least at first.